It seems almost too much, to explain where I have been. To explain why my blog has been so barren for so long. Many of you already know the story. Some only know parts. People have regularly given me the gift of documenting some of the most intimate moments of their lives. The moments that have changed their lives forever. The moment in time that this blog ended, my life was forever changed. I will explain.
One week and one day after the McFarland Cafe session, my loving husband of 16 years decided to end his life. He had been struggling with a manic/depressive episode of his bipolar illness for almost a year prior. Although there were many external forces affecting his ability to cope with his illness, ultimately his illness overtook him. The moment I found him time shifted. Everything in my life changed forever. In that instant…that nanosecond, I knew nothing would ever be the same again.
While I do not claim to understand why this happened, I do not blame him. So many forces inside him were beyond his control. Beyond his ability to cope. I know now that he is not in pain. And that he will always be with us, in our hearts and in our memories. I have chosen, albeit painful, to remember the happy times. There were so many happy times. And remember his love for me, his love for his children, and his dedication and love of taking care of people in their times of need.
We will always love you, daddy! ♥